Toothpaste (aka Step 1)

I am a high school teacher and in my Conflict Resolution class, I have my students do this activity where they have to squeeze an entire tube of toothpaste into a cup. Then I ask them to put the toothpaste back into the tube while they all look at me as if I am insane. The point is that the toothpaste represents the words that we speak. Try as we might, once they are said we can't get them back and so we should always be careful to think before we speak. As much as I would love to, I can't take credit for this because it's something I found online; however, I can speak to its simple brilliance.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about this activity. Although the point is really to watch the words we say, I have realized that I have been watching them a little too closely. In fact, I have been afraid to squeeze out my toothpaste other than to a chosen few. After all, toothpaste is messy. Lately, my Higher Power has made me feel as if it is time to start squeezing because perhaps it could help someone.  So...here we go.

Someone I love very much is an addict in recovery.  Other than the death of my father, this is the most difficult thing I have faced in my life because his addiction made me an addict, too.  I became addicted to protecting him and taking on his responsibilities (which sometimes meant closing my eyes and pretending they didn't exist).  I felt so out of control and walked on, like a doormat.  I learned not to trust anyone because trust = pain.  As a coping mechanism I threw myself into my work because at least there I could pretend that I didn't feel as if I was slowly being eaten alive.
 
"Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over the addict-that our lives had become unmanageable."
I walked into my first Nar-Anon meeting on the hottest day of July and the facilitator handed me an ice cream bar.  I remember feeling so desperate, alone and tired.  Like the ice cream bar, this group of people brought a cool comfort to my uncomfortable soul.  As someone read this first step, I knew that my life was going to change for the better.  I would soon learn a new equation: Nar-Anon = hope.


"As we reach out for help, we become ready to reach out a helping hand and heart to those in need of Nar-Anon.  We understand.  We do recover.  Slowly, new persons emerge.  Change is taking place." ~Nar-Anon Family Groups


The Bangor Nar-Anon meets every Thursday night at 6 pm at the St. Francis Center on Center Street.